In The 48 laws of Power it says, “if you want to be successful, never admit your faults and protect your reputation at all costs.” That’s probably good advice, however, in my 
opinion, I feel like the 3 most important things in life are: humor, honesty and love. If you can do that, even if it costs you some hits to your rep and a bit less success, you are still winning. Plus, I’d rather someone call me honest than powerful and I like funny stuff, even if it happens to me. In Damon Wayans stand-up he has a bit where he talks about his kids and says, “In my house, we have a rule, ‘If it’s funny, you ain’t in trouble.” Most comedy is just honesty and love presented in a way that makes you laugh anyway. So with honesty as my motivator, I’m gonna share with you some faults. I hope that you guys can forgive them, hear the honesty, find the humor, let me off the hook and love me anyway.
PEEP GAME:
If you are a long time fan, you probably noticed that back in ’06 through ’09, I was playing a TON of shows, both solo and with my group The Let Go. But as tensions between the group grew and struggles to turn my passion into my CAREER as a solo artist became seemingly-insurmountable, I sank into a depression of sorts, pulled away from the shows (which became more like a non-stop party rather than performances) and began focusing on what was most important to me: creating the art that I loved instead of the attention that I got from performing and selling it. And, as cliche as it is, I wanted a return to basic ideals that I felt I had lost along the way. Those being, treat others as you want to be treated, happiness 
should always come before “business” and when creating my art, create the things that I wanted to instead of the things I felt I was supposed to. There is a difference.
What came of it was my most personal work thus far which will always be dear to me. Lights for the Dark Nights was a short six-song EP of what I wanted from myself. The only exception was Insanity Reigns which was for the most part, an homage/farewell to the psychosis that I felt loomed over me while falling into the party mode of the last few years. A few fans wrote me to tell me the EP was “too emo” which honestly stung. Luckily others touted it as a masterpiece and several piers told me in private how proud they were that I took a risk to make it. In the end though, it was for me and me only and was a huge part of the healing process. I’m immensely proud of this project.
So although I did play a few shows here and there to keep semi-fresh performance legs and to show the fans that stuck with me through my absentee-ism that they were appreciated, I felt that I was done with performing and music in-general until I could be certain I would not fall into the same ugly routines of the past.
Fast forward…………………….
So here I am (a month or so ago), a year and some change since my last solo performance, my new album finished 
(http:kublakai.bandcamp.com), new music video in the can ( watch?v=PYatguCHW6I] ) with a small swell of new fans (what up!). I was feeling re-invigorated, physically and emotionally.
So………..Lets book some shows!
The first show I booked was with Saint Warhead who, despite his name, is really nice and about his business (you would be surprised how far a small bit of professionalism can get you in the indie hip-hop world). I was excited, not really that nervous, just ready to be back at it and looking forward to begin again this journey into performing for fans new and old.
The show was at a nice small venue off of Burnside in Portland called Backspace. People start showing up and things go well through the first two acts… My turn to jump on stage.
*siiiiiiiigh* Ring rust is a motherfucker. Now, for those who were there and gave me love – you are awesome and it’s very possible that you didn’t even notice what I was going through. So take this a look inside a performer’s head during a show. In the end, I actually had a great time, but those jitters felt very, very visible as soon as I stepped on stage.
Thirty seconds into the first song, I forget a line, then another. *Oy* Then I tripped on stage, then stopped a song half way through, repeated the same verse twice, said a line backwards (words-back (did that on purpose!)) – I literally was saying the line and thought, “how is that even f***ing possible that I just did that?” It was literally a nightmare for me. However, the years of doing this reminded me that 1.) This shit is not easy! & 2.) Not every show is gonna be a home-run but you give it everything you have regardless…. and I did.
About half way through, I finally settled in and although I still stumbled a bit, the jitters sub-sided and I think everyone had a good time. I am thankful that it happened. It 
reminded me that every show is a performance and that as a performer, your audience is your employer and there is no half-assing it. I feel like a lot of rappers, myself included, sometimes feel like its enough to be rapping on stage for 30-45 minutes for your 10 bucks. Now granted, SOMETIMES, that’s okay – but if my first show after a year away had gone amazing and I was just completely feeling myself (pause) afterward I may have only done that from here on out. However, it was humbling and a stark reminder that as I continue this journey and build my career as an artist and performer, I need to work hard at my delivery and be committed to building a show to be proud of.
[Big up to DJ Anski for the pictures of the night!!]
My next show was absolutely amazing. Great performance, great crowd and only turned off the mic once while I was rapping. (If you were there, you know exactly what I’m talking about – lol – Oak Harbor, What Up!!)
Only place from here is UPPPPPP!
In the 48 laws of Power it says, “if you want to be successful, never admit your faults and protect your reputation at all costs.” and to that I say, your definition of success and mine may differ largely. Every show I put on will be a success, but they will all be different and I will always learn from each one. That is where I will succeed. The journey is the reward. I hope to see you at a show!
So without further adieu – THE SELF HELP TOUR featuring myself, MC Pigpen & Oso Negro.
And I know its just a few cities but believe me there are plans for many, many more tours in the future. I promise we will hit your city, no matter where you live sometime in the years to come!
Stay honest, stay laughing & stay you.
Peace,
Kubi
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